Who wears the pants in this relationship?

I have encountered several couples who grapple with the idea of the what their preferred leadership dynamic needs to be for their relationship.  At the heart of the conversation is the question of, who is in charge of this relationship; or in other words, who holds the power to decide what we do and / or who is accountable for safety and security of needs when life throws extreme challenges at us? 

This is an important question that I believe is beneficial for all (western culture)  couples to discuss. As a framework for this conversation, I recommend borrowing terms from organizational leadership theory. Please consider this list of the 5 most common leadership styles as you contemplate the leadership dynamic of your relationship. 

• Transformational Leadership
• Laissez-Faire Leadership
• Authoritative Leadership
• Transactional Leadership
• Democratic Leadership

Each leadership style has pros and cons for the leader and the teammate in the marriage. If you and your spouse haven't discussed leadership in your marriage yet, I hope you will give it a try and see what comes from the discussion.