The #1 problem in relationships...

 (It isn't you... It isn't me... It's our negative interaction cycle!  The #1 problem of your relationship is the combination of two people's self protective behavior when they both feel scared in a relationship.  In emotionally focused therapy (EFT), we call this relationship pattern a negative interaction cycle.   The image below depict what the negative interaction cycle is in terms of how it can manifest via emotions and self protective behaviors in a relationship. 
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The next image depicts what happens when an EFT trained therapist gets involved with a couple and begins to help them learn how to de-escalate and heal old attachment wounds, so the couple can exit their negative interaction cycle at will. 

This old bugs bunny cartoon is a perfect metaphor of what it is like to be in a relationship that has a negative interaction cycle running amuck. 

• Bugs Bunny = You / your significant other
• Plane = Your Relationship
• Gremlin = Negative Interaction Cycle

Don't let a negative interaction cycle destroy your relationship.  Increase your self-awareness, increase your emotional intelligence, and have a healthy relationship that satisfies the needs of you and your significant other by trying emotionally focused couples therapy.